I’m supposed to be packing, but instead I just want to knit. Actually for the past few days I just have not felt like myself. I have no energy, no patience, no get up and and go. I have bouts of feeling blue and I have never really experienced this before. I have asked friends if it sounds like the D word. Some say it does sound like depression and other tell me it is just the way my body is dealing with all the changes that are happening to us all at once. Bummer. Allow me to apologize for I am sure you came here for refreshment and not to be burdened.
Truth be told, I only really have patience for Matthew right now. I guess it’s because he is so cute. I stayed up last night thinking about all the changes that are upon us, moving to Kentucky, Alexandra and Lewis having baby Lewie, leaving our farm, packing up our life and I think I know now what is the problem.
I am a creature of habit. I need to know what I am doing, where I am going and I pretty much do the same things over and over. It’s the rhythm of my life, Rhythm makes me happy. Right now there is no rhythm to anything and I find myself saying there is no point in doing xyz because we are leaving. If you pray, prayers are appreciated.
Matthew is on day two of fever, low grade fever. Just enough fever to worry this worry wart momma. We try not to medicate a fever and instead offer lots of liquids, snacks and rest. Matthew has been sleeping on all of us around here. Watching him, bathing him, kissing him, that is our medicine for now. Today he has been back to touching anything and everything with a button, eating everything in sight and playing with all of us but still a little fever.
Tomorrow, we will have an entire day of celebrations. Last celebrations here at this home of ours. The morning will host Matthew’s official first birthday party. I am baking once again his honey cake but that will be the only homemade thing that will be served. It is very strange to serve people we love processed, store bought food but that is what will be served and there is little that I can do about it with everything being packed away.
The evening will be a going away party. A chance to say farewell to many and see ya in a few months to some. There is no garden to see as one will not be planted this fall, there is no cow, or pig, most of the chickens are gone and our sweet Fiona (live stock guardian dog) has gone to a new farm home, belonging to a fellow farmer and friend. We will just eat, and drink and try to make merry and not think of the harder days to come ahead. 16 days….
So, for now, I will just press on and try to see the things I should be happy about and somehow get excited about the adventures that lie in the future.
Take care of yourself; so many changes! You are strong enough to deal with it all, but allow yourself time to do it.
I understand and will keep you in my prayers. It is hard to make such a complete change in your life. We are looking having to make a similar change. Take care and remember to continue to hope and trust in God.
Sending prayers to you and baby Matthew. I know moving is very hard especially when leaving family. I pray that you will be able to find joy, peace and a sense of rhythm in your new home soon.
Tricia, this is a big moment in your life. Everything will work out. I am a firm believer in the fact that when one door in our lives closes another opens. And when this next door opens in your life, you and your wonderful family will meet it head on. Just think when you make the move you already know a big group of people: that beautiful family of yours. It is so normal to feel like you are very depressed but wait until you get into the new house and begin this new journey. Things always work out and with a firm belief in GOD, remember he is always by our side.
I look forward to reading adventures in your new home.
Oh you and I are so very alike. I have about 10 knitting projects going right now because I can't handle the thought of packing, selling this house, moving, leaving…my head spins. I am getting gray hair even!!! My patience is at zero and all I can do is knit. Oh goodness I wish we could get through this together!! XOXO
My little Vinnie has that same striped outfit 🙂
I think it is normal to feel a little down right now. This is a big change for you. I've no real words of wisdom to offer; just try to savor the next 16 days joyfully instead of painfully. My body goes all blah on me, too, if I let myself get blue.
Another possibility is that perhaps you are ill with whatever is afflicting little Matthew and your body is just expressing it a little differently, maybe as you're older you escaped the fever.