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Last night Poppa and I had a date night out alone.  We were alone but mentally we were both with Alex, thinking of her.  She is now only 11 days away from her due date and according to her last midwife appointment, she is biologically ready to have baby Lewis.  We ate our food, sushi and salad for him, steak hibachi for me and then we called her and bribed her with Japanese food so we could go and hang out with her.  We watched a movie together and then Alex and I went over a few things.

She reminded me that she needed an herbie pillow (a rice pack full of herbs that you can heat up to ease pain) for labor.  Ah yes!  I have had an herbie pillow at 5 of my 9 pregnancies.  We use them for everything, sick days, ear eaches, to warm yourself after going swimming or on a cold day.

Today I woke after not really sleeping much due to not being able to turn my brain off lately.  The insomnia is a plague to me right now but I am hoping that once more things get settled in our life, that I might be able to once again sleep.  Five minutes after my feet hit the floor, I was at the sewing machine cutting and sewing a flannel herbie filled with rice, flax, rosemary and lavender fresh from the garden.  I love picking herbs in the morning, the smell of the rosemary and lavender filled my sewing room and hopefully will comfort my daughter as she labors.

A quick stop at the health food store in town and I was back at her house with raw honey and magnesium for her to make laboraid.  I also brought with me a bottle of holy water and before I left I got to take some pics of her since we have not had a maternity photo session.  Tomorrow we will take some pictures with Lewis but just in case she decides to have the baby tonight (which won’t happen but just in case) then there are some pictures.

On the homefront, we have started going through the house and organizing, getting rid of stuff and in general I have rediscovered what I already knew… dealing with your belongings is no fun.  There is so much to pack.  Poppa had the idea of leaving a lot of our things and buying them again in Kentucky but everywhere I turn there is a chair that I love or a basket that I don’t want to leave.  And almost everything I own, I carefully purchased and remember where or how I got it.  No fun, I tell ya.

I need to get back to helping Poppa pack but in the meantime, could I beg your prayers for a safe delivery for my Alexandra.  I would really appreciate it and thank you!

I cannot remember having to type harder words than the ones I am about to share but here goes.  A few months ago, Poppa and I learned that all the stores in his market (which he is in charge of) would be sold to franchises.  Since he is a corporate guy, this move effectively would leave him without a job.  There were a few possibilities that one of the new franchisee companies would hire him though we were not crazy about the idea of being away from the corporation he has been part of for the last 16 years.  We have raised our family as part of that company and the idea of leaving it was scary.  So we waited and in the end we faced the idea of getting a severance package and going out on our own.  I played with the thought of convincing Poppa to become a farmer with me fulltime but realistically we have a large family, with a mortgage to match and seeing as he likes to see what I do through this blog and not arm and arm in the dirt then that would have been a disaster.

Through some stroke of luck, though I know it is God’s plan, the severance package was not ordered and so his company kept him on helping out where ever they could use his talents.  Then at a goodbye dinner, the Vice President of his company (a big national company) offered us a job, a great job but the catch was it was in another state.  I turned it down immediately since the idea of leaving our life here was unimaginable and then the weeks rolled by as I ignored the elephant in the room and pretended that nothing would change…ever.

Then came the day when Poppa was asked to go help out in that state by that Vice President and that is when it happened.  He got a job offer that he really wanted to accept.  One that he needed to take because he is responsible for the well being of 11 people.  He called me that  morning 2 weeks ago as I headed to the store.  I was driving out that day with dreams of our fall garden in my head and my biggest worry was what sweater I wanted to start knitting that weekend.  In 5 minutes our life had changed.  Suddenly and forever.

I ran to Alex’s job and sat in a booth in her section so I could cry on her shoulder.  I ordered food and didn’t eat any of it.  I hugged a few of her fellow coworkers and sat there feeling sorry for myself.  I cried over leaving our land, our animals, our farm, our friends and church community and most of all I cried thinking of how I would miss my oldest daughter and that precious little boy in her belly whom I have yet to meet.  Could I be that strong?  Last year, it seemed unimaginable that I could be happy once Alex got married and moved to her own home.  Last year at this same exact time I might add.  Now this year, I will have to leave her and her baby and not just 15 minutes away but farther, much, much farther.  I cried for all of my hopes and dreams here and for this land that I love so much, this place where I always feel centered and at home.  I cried and cried and then I got over it.

I realized sitting  in that booth during the lunch rush that Poppa has always supported me in my dreams, regardless of what they are. The fact that I live on a farm with a man who could care less what kind of chickens we have in the coop is a testament to the fact that he will gladly give up the world he wants to live in to live in the one that I do.  Poppa has always done whatever he has to do to give me the life I want and so now I will go with him, we all will to support him in his pursuits.  Its only fair.

Turning that page I must say that I loved my visit to Kentucky and so moving there won’t be so bad.  It won’t be home but really where ever my babies and husband are, that is my home.  I’m sure there will be moments when I won’t feel as positive or as strong as I do right at this moment but in life the only thing that is really for sure is change.  Nothing ever stays the same and I have to remind myself to cherish the moments always because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

I had planned this blog post to be so different really but this is how I feel right at this moment, it is my reality.  So for now I will leave it at that and I will start putting together my plan on how to move this big, beautiful family of ours to a new house and hopefully somehow a new home.